Renji goes to the dentist
by bluewinter
Summary: i think the title speaks for itself. this oneshot is dedicated to those who are about to visit the dentist soon, and i hope this little story reassures you all that dentists aren't all that bad. really. R&R pls


WARNING: EXTREME VIOLENCE.. IF YOU CONSIDER THE DENTIST'S EQUIPMENT AS VIOLENT TOOLS USED TO TORTURE PEOPLE LIKE I DO XD

DISCLAIMER: BLEACH ISN'T MINE, ONLY THE PLOT IS

enjoy

Renji goes to the dentist.

Renji was nervously nervous. He was so nervous he was shaking in his seat. He was so nervous that he was quaking in his boots. And above all, he was so nervous that Rukia, who was sitting beside him, was staring at Renji with raised eyebrows.

"Renji, stop shaking. You're making the whole seat shiver."

Renji stopped shaking, but his teeth started to chatter, sending painful spasms throughout his body with each clash his teeth made.

His teeth. That was where the trouble had started.

Renji could still remember how Ichigo had laughed at Renji because he had a toothache and didn't want to visit the dentist. Worst still, he had laughed in front of _Rukia_. That got Renji's ego racing and he had declared that he would go, in order to prove Ichigo wrong.

But deep inside he was very afraid. Shinigamis who had gone to the dentist had come back with fearsome stories of how their teeth were drilled, yanked out, how the "teeth monster" threatened them with drills and other little machines, how the teeth monster shone glaring bright lights at them, how excruciatingly painful it was to have their teeth pulled on.. Renji thought about it all and cursed Ichigo for causing him all this pain.

* * *

A few blocks away, Ichigo sneezed a thundering sneeze that could have won many awards.

"Did someone curse me?" he wondered vaguely.

* * *

The patients in the waiting room were decreasing. _It was nearly time_, Renji thought, shuddering. _Any time now to my doom_

"Abarai Renji." The nurse called, ushering him into the room.

"I'll wait for you here, Renji." Rukia called.

Renji gritted his teeth(which caused him to cringe with pain), and walked forth to his doom, dreading every step.

"Hi there!" A woman with a mask said cheerfully. "What's the matter with your teeth now?"

Renji didn't answer. Partly out of fear and well, partly because he hadn't expected the "teeth monster" to be a woman. Maybe if it had been a monstrous-looking teeth monster, he could slay it like slaying a hollow, but a woman..

"What're you standing there for? Come over here and lie down. I'll check your teeth for you to see what's wrong."

Renji shuffled to his seat and lay with his mouth firmly closed.

"Open it, Abarai-kun. I don't have x-ray eyes, you know."

Renji shook his head.

"Open it and I'll give you candy." The dentist offered, jiggling a huge bag of sweets.

Renji's mouth opened obediently, much to his surprise and the dentist's. She hadn't expected it to work, and as for Renji, he thought that this kind of tricks only worked on someone like Yachiru. Who ever knew that his mouth liked candy! It had opened on its own!

"Hmm.. I've got to pull this tooth out, Abarai-kun. It's got a cavity."

"P-pull it out?" Renji started shaking and quaking in his boots again.

"Yep. Never had your teeth pulled out before, teenager? You're lucky."

Renji looked at himself at the dentist's words. He never knew that people who were about thirty years old still considered hundred-over-year-olds like him as "teenagers"!

"H-how are you gonna pull it out?" Renji stammered.

"Oh, don't worry. It's easy and not painful at all. Just count to three, okay? One.." the dentist soothed. Somehow, her voice made Renji think of Unohana-taichou.

"One.." he counted, dread all returning.

"Two.."

"Two.. OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!" Renji screamed suddenly. Outside the room, Rukia jumped with shock, wondering whatever the hell was going on inside that enclosed room.

"Abarai-kun, I haven't even _touched_ your teeth yet." The dentist said, half-amused.

"Oh."

"Three!" the dentist said, and deftly pulled out Renji's tooth while he was still feeling embarrassed.

"See? No pain at all!" the dentist said cheerfully. "Now, bite on the wad of cotton. It would help stop the bleeding."

"Err.. ow?" Renji mumbled through his wad of cotton. He walked out of the room, bag of candy in hand. Inside, he had already started cursing everyone who had told him about the wrath of teeth monsters that made him quake inside his shoes..

Far away, in Soul Society, shinigamis started to sneeze. Unohana began to wonder if there was an epidemic sweeping through Sereitei, and started to get worried.

* * *

Haha.. oneshot inspired by a trip to the dentist. I was getting my braces cleaned when I thought of this story. Hope you guys like my attempt at humor, and please R&R. I dun mind criticisms, I just want to know your opinion of it. 


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